Wednesday, 5 March 2014

I don't know who I am, but I'm trying...

I'm changing. Or, is it evolving? Maybe growing as a human?

Something... something I don't recognize.

Don and I have been talking about gardens, living off the grid, the world going mad and how we'd survive. Knowing that I wouldn't survive. I'm an insulin dependent diabetic. Once that insulin runs out, so do I.

I find myself interested in things that never interested me before... like an insane, yellow-eyed, black cat named Ninja. I always hated cats...but this cat...well, you'd just have to meet her to get it. She's the exception to all things I hate about cats.

Despite what I believe to be a completely rational fear of pressure cookers, I'm going to learn to can the garden spoils. That is, can what can't be frozen. Better safe than sorry, right?

Don has collected some 1500 or so beer, wine, and liquor bottles. They will be used to build a wall to terrace the yard. If you're wondering how this works, click here. He's also working out how to convert our home into an earthship type structure.  Self sustainable, meaning we will produce our own water, food, and electricity. He will be building a chicken coop soon and we've been discussing dairy goats.

It's been nearly 7 months since I stopped working. I haven't written a single word. Two novels, two beautiful stories to be told, and I've not written one single word. I'm somewhat ashamed of myself.

Instead, I've been sewing. I've been sewing blindly. No patterns...grabbing things out of my closet that I know I'll never wear again and making them into something else entirely. Right now my passion is skirts. Flowy bohemian skirts. My practical solution to scorching Arkansas summers. That, and now that I'm not working I can't afford to run to the store every time I feel like having something new to hang in my closet.

I haven't cut my hair in almost a year. It hasn't been this long since I was in Jr. High. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. If you see me out and about, you can be assured that my hair will either be in a bun or a braid. I have long hair that I never wear down because I can't stand for it to touch me. I will also be in thick rimmed glasses, most likely perched towards the end of my nose, and I will not be wearing makeup.

I spend more time now picking out things I can only find in the "hippie foods" section at the grocery store. We're trying new things like kale, red lentils, and more vegetarian options. This happens much to the dismay of my dad. He's a meat and taters kind of guy -- country cookin' drowned in bacon fat, it ain't a meal if you don't have at least three carb choices and something mooing on your plate. That kind of guy. However, to his credit, I have convinced him that Morning Star and Boca products are, indeed, acceptable meat replacements.

All of this, and then I realize that I'm becoming what I call a hippie. And, if it means more socially aware, if it means comfortable with me rather than society's norm, I'm ok with that. To me it means freedom. Maybe you should try it, too.

1 comment:

  1. I was wondering how you were doing the other day, we need to get together and figure out how we can make some cash money. I also need to teach you about hot water baths for your vegetables. I put up green beans every year and Don't use a pressure cooker. so glad to see you writing again Kim