It doesn't really mean anything to me. Not in the way you'd think it would. I'm not sad, or disappointed, or even angry. I'm relieved.
I always knew he was different. Even as a newborn he was different than any other baby I'd ever encountered. He didn't cry. Not often anyway. When he did, it was because he wanted to be left alone. I'd put him in his crib and he'd lay there for an hour or two, just cooing and gurgling at his
mobil.
It doesn't mean anything because it doesn't change anything. He is who he's always been. He just has a new label. A label, by the way, that doesn't define him.
Just like he always has, he will be sad sometimes because his peers don't understand him. They don't understand when he misses important social cues -- like facial expressions, body language, sarcasm, or teasing that's taken literally, even when it's just typical kid fun.
He will still get excited about his accomplishments. He will still laugh and play and be silly. He will still make me laugh like no one else can.
He will still get angry when people don't understand what he's trying to communicate. Because he sometimes has difficulty finding the right words and using them appropriately. Because sometimes he doesn't have words for how he's feeling.
He will still need to hide from the world when he can't process what's going on around him. When people are angry, or the environment is disorganized. Just a short break to regroup and identify his emotions. Then he'll still come back and try again.
He will still make silly faces when I want him to smile at the camera. He will still be my sunshine. He will still hug me and tell me I'm the best mom in the whole world.
Nothing has changed. Our world is still the same as it's always been. He's my baby. And that, is all that really matters.
love it sis, one of your best works yet! EXCELLENT!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI so love your comments about your son. I've taught many students with aspergers and autism. I've done some research to be able to better meet their needs but it doesn't change who they are and what wonderful beautiful people they are. We are all unique and sometimes I wonder if we so called "normal" people aren't really the ones with a problem and individuals with this meaningless label are really the "normal" ones. You are a strong and amazing mother. I know sometimes its hard especially when others seem to judge you for your child's actions but they are the one's with the real problem. Hmmm let's see what label we can give them. How does GSS sound - Gross Stupidity Syndrome. Love you and your writing. You are wonderfully talented.
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