Shame on you Lifetouch (and the school)...My letter ('cause that's what I do..)

DISCLAIMER: This is strictly my OPINION based on my PERSONAL EXPERIENCE with Lifetouch. You make your determinations based on your own experiences, not mine. :)

Dear Lifetouch,

My son is in the 4^th grade at (deleted because I'm a smart Mama who is looking out for her kiddo). Since his first year of school when he started Pre-K five years ago, I do not have a single school photo of him.  I remember picture days as a child always being given a personal little black comb to make sure your hair was ok, and teachers and photographers making time to ensure that you were presentable prior to having a picture taken.

I emailed you about this same issue in October of 2010. I wish I had saved your response. I vaguely remember being told that it was the first year for Lifetouch to do photos at (that school) and that your photographers did everything possible to make sure photos were good. However, I did post a copy of the email I sent to you to Facebook and found overwhelming agreement regarding the quality of Lifetouch photos. I will be posting this letter on Facebook too. I will also be posting it on my blog. Again, overwhelming agreement when I mentioned it on my status update this morning.

Since Lifetouch has taken over, I have only bought a school portrait ONCE because his hair is a mess or, in the case of last year, he was wearing a hoodie over his nice shirt that I sent him to be photographed in and his hair was a mess or, because shirts are twisted, facial expressions are off, etc. The list goes on.

In fairness, I’ve bought pictures of my other children. However, they are much older and, unlike "J" (because I don't post kiddo's name on the blog), do not have special needs so they can be counted on to check their own appearance.

My question to you, in this digital age when a photo is instantly viewable after being taken, how in the world do you expect to sell portraits that look like this?

Is the ultimate goal to sell a portrait, or are you just trying to find something for budding photographers to do during the day and forking out money to pay them with no return on your investment?

Sincerely,

11 things I want every doctor to know....

There are so many things patients want their doctors to know. Things we never say in the office because there’s never time to get to THOSE complaints. But, in hopes that some freak thing will happen and a doctor will read this, I’m blogging about it today.

1.       Having “MD” behind your name doesn’t make your time more valuable than mine.

A)     I will not wait longer than 30 minutes beyond my appointment time to see the doctor. This includes time in the waiting room and time sitting in the exam room waiting for you to make an appearance. I’ve got things to do too. I’ve taken off work to come see you. I’m losing money. I only make an exception to this rule if you don’t fit what I’m about to describe in “B”.

B)      When I reach the exam room, you’re not going to rush me through like I’m caught up in a cattle call. This is one I WILL call you on. I came prepared, with a list (to help save time), ready to address my issues, and I’m paying you to address those issues with me. So, sit you’re your butt down and give me what I’m paying for.

C)      The cause of “A” and “B” is that you have chosen to consistently overbook. This takes me to an old military saying, “Piss poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.” Plan your day better so you can give your patients the time they need and treat them like they matter. REMEMBER: You’re making a living off me!

2.       I don’t care if you don’t care about me. However, I do care if you treat me like you don’t care about me. I need your undivided attention. If you miss something while I’m telling you what’s going on with me, I could end up seriously ill or dead. I have several health issues, two of which can be life threatening if not treated properly.  So, get out of la-la land and listen up. The life you save could be mine. IT’S PROVEN: PATIENTS LISTEN TO DOCTORS WHO LISTEN TO THEM!

3.       As much as I need you to listen, I also need you to talk to me. Don’t treat me like I’m just fortunate enough to be in the room with you while you’re working. Tell me what you’re thinking and tell me what you think I should be doing. If you’re performing a test, tell me what I should be expecting. I actually had a neurologist come in the room, have me lie down on a table, and without saying a word, began  jabbing needles into my legs and zapping me with what amounted to a mini-taser. Gee, jerk-face, thanks for the warning! When he was done, he just walked out of the room. End of visit.

4.       I need you to think outside the box. Don’t keep running the same tests over and over to get the same results. Look further. What tests fit that you haven’t run? What things have you not considered? It reminds me of an analogy of a toy robot that runs into a wall, backs up, and runs into the same wall again without thinking, “Hey! If I turn around and go another direction I might reach the destination.”

5.       Don’t assume that you know better than me what is normal for my body. I’ve lived with it for 39 years. I know better than anyone what my “normal” is. I’m also smart enough to know that my normal can change. However, there are two kinds of “not normal”. One is expected with aging and one is “there’s a problem here”. I know the difference, you should too. This goes back to #3. Listen up, dude, I’m talkin’ here.

6.       Don’t make promises you might not be able to keep. Give me the statistics. If there’s a chance something won’t work, tell me what that chance is. If you’re just experimenting to see what kind of results you get, tell me that too. I’m a big girl. I can take it. I need honesty, even if it hurts.

7.       Don’t make major medication changes for me without discussing it with the prescriber. This is why we have Primary Care Physicians. It’s called “managed care”. You’ve heard of that, right? It’s where I have a primary doctor to manage my overall medical care… there’s a good reason for it. I once got tied up in this battle between one of my specialists and my primary doctor. They got in a tug of war, with me in the middle, regarding which medications I should be on to manage migraines, fibromyalgia pain, and sleep. They repeatedly changed my meds back and forth before I finally got mad and told them both, “No more changes until you talk to each other and reach an agreement about what medications will work best for me. I am not a guinea pig and I am not a weapon in your battle of wills.” Seriously, am I managing a pre-school playground here?

8.       We have a working relationship. Relationship indicates a give and take. I am not a dollar sign that equals a new pool in your back yard. I am a person who is sick and wants to feel better. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. I need you to be willing too.

9.       Expounding again on #3. If you have ideas but feel your hands are tied by my insurance company, tell me that! I might know how to help you get around it. I would definitely be willing to do the leg work and find out if anything can be done.

10.   Be compassionate. I know you spend 10-12 hours a day, plus nights, holidays and weekends on call, listening to people complain all the time. I know that sometimes it’s hard not to get wrapped up in it when you listen to negativity all day. But, I still need you.  Honestly, if you’re that jaded and disgusted with what you do for a living, maybe it’s time for a career change. You’re not helping anyone if you’re tuned out and cynical.

11.   Your learning curve didn’t end when you finished medical school. The medical field is constantly and rapidly changing. Diagnostic criteria changes, the areas where testing can reach changes, treatment regimens constantly change. I expect you to be on top of those changes. This goes back to #4. Thinking outside the box.

These all add up to some very basic things; compassion, respect, knowledge, consistency and kindness. It’s not too much to ask. I expect a doctor to have them. When he/she doesn’t, they get a letter from me before my next visit. Then, at the next visit, I ask them, “Can you work with this, or would it be better for me to find a new doctor?”  So far, I've only had one that didn’t appreciate my candor and attempt to work with me—the creepy neurologist I mentioned above.

Miss anything? Anything you think should be added to this list? Any doctors care to leave a rebuttal to any of these? Leave me a comment.

Wednesday's Musings or Finding Myself?

Things I’m thinking today:

Women who wear 3 inch heels and can’t walk in them are really amusing. I enjoy watching their careful steps as their ankles wobble and the heels of their feet slide sideways off the backs of their shoes. For the sake of not sounding sexist, I will also say that I find men who wear 3 inch heels and can’t walk in them equally amusing.

Sometimes, something as simple as a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast makes me really, really happy. Of course, I love peanut butter. I’ve been known to dip a spoonful right out of the jar and sit down and eat it in front of the TV.

I find it really frustrating when I can’t figure out the next direction to go with my book. I have a beginning and I have an end result. The middle is really stressing me though. I like instant gratification so I find it difficult to weave through all the places between point A and point B. It’s a good thing I’m not making a living off this, huh?

People who say they’re all about their kids when they really aren’t completely piss me off. If your kids were first, you wouldn’t be dumping them off for someone else to deal with while you go out and party several times a week. You also wouldn’t be exposing them to thieves, drunks, and drug addicts on a regular basis. Get a clue. If you need help finding a clue, come see me. I’ll give you one…. Or ten…

For a few weeks now, I’ve been tossing around the idea of a Facebook page for Sapphire Dragonflies; one separate from my personal Facebook. However, after almost four years, I sometimes find myself thinking I’m totally over Facebook and not sure I want to keep up with more than one page.

I am never randomly violent. However, this morning I found myself walking behind a woman who, for a reason that escapes me, I found myself wanting to punch in the back of the head. I felt like I would take great satisfaction in beating the crap out of her. Am I the only one who thinks like this at times?

Based on the first paragraph, the third paragraph, and the previous two paragraphs, in which I mentioned five times that “I found myself” doing something, one would think I spend a lot of time “finding myself”. Interesting, since I’m one of the most totally lost people I know. Some days I wonder if I might hurt myself trying to decide which end of the toothbrush to put the toothpaste on. Really...

It’s just bad parenting….

I try.

Really, I try.

Yet, for the life of me, I simply cannot understand what motivates some people.

They’re everywhere; children who are products of parents who are not together anymore, children who are being raised by spiteful and hate filled mothers who use every opportunity to fill their children with the same hatred they harbor towards their former partners.

Ok, so maybe I shouldn't say mothers here. But, they're the biggest offenders. In all fairness though, there are crappy dads out there who do the same thing.

Why would you tell your child anything, true or not, negative about the other parent? Do you honestly subscribe to the belief that the person you’re hurting is the former partner?

If so, you’re dumber than I thought. The only person you’re hurting is your child. Think about it. You spew your filth at your child about what a crappy father they have, you lie about it when confronted, and then you tell your child not to tell the other parent what you’ve spewed at them. You do that, and then you expect me to believe that you aren’t trying to hurt your child? If the child is the only one to know what you’ve said, who else could it have been said to hurt?

You fill your children with hate and then wonder why they’re angry.

You fill your children with hate and then wonder why they don’t respect you.

You fill your children with hate and give them to society to deal with when the monster becomes bigger than you.

You fill your children with hate and then you attach a label and medicate them unnecessarily

You do all of this and then you expect the rest of us to feel sorry for you when it blows up in your face.

And the monster grows when your verbal wall begins to crumble around you….

You spew more hate, thinking maybe you didn’t do enough damage already….

Then you scream that you’re the better parent….

Shame on you.

You don’t deserve them.

There is absolutely no good reason for one parent to bash the other in the presence of their child.

Never.

If you think I’m talking to you, then I probably am.

And, what makes me feel like I can point fingers here? Because J has one of the crappiest bio-dads on the planet. He abandoned him twice. He even terminated his rights because he didn't want to pay child support. But, never, ever, never have I intentionally bashed his sperm donor in front of him. After everything he's done, I still tell Jack that jerkface loves him but he just has some problems in his life he needs to take care of that keep him from being the kind of dad J wants him to be.

Can you imagine the consequences if I were to tell him the truth? That his biodad doesn't want to be a dad to him, but he is still a dad to his siblings? What kind of mother would I be if I hurt him like that?

Think about it moms (and dads). Who are you really trying to hurt? What damage are you really doing? Are you really prepared to deal with the fallout? Do you think it's fair that you force your children to fight your battles with your former spouse? Really?

Get real with yourselves....

Mind Your Own Business/It's Mine, Not Yours

Someone please help me understand how it is that people who have never dealt with a specific ailment suddenly feel as though they are experts on what is ailing you?

I encounter this so often with my diabetes. If it were being done out of concern for my well being, that might be one thing. But, these people just want to comment so they look like they might know something important, or might know more than I do about diabetes.

Well, on behalf of diabetics everywhere, here’s an update for you people…. Pay close attention.

1.       Diabetes does not mean that you cannot have carbohydrates. Eliminating carbs from my diet is equally disastrous to eating too many carbs. Maybe sometime I’ll go without and let you figure out how to get me out of a coma since you seem to know so much.

2.       Diabetes does not mean that I can’t have a piece of that birthday cake. It means I can’t have a big piece and that I’ll probably have to skip the ice cream.

3.       My diabetes is closely controlled. By my physician. When you have an MD behind your name, then you can tell me what you think about my diabetes.

4.       I am in the VERY small percentage of diabetics who is considered compliant with their diabetes management plan. Compliant – that means I do what my doc says and let her know when it’s not working.

5.       I really can eat whatever I want. The difference is, I have to plan for it and practice portion control. It’s more like what I want but not necessarily when I want.

6.       Speaking of portion control – looks like you could use a little of that yourself there, Tubby. How many pieces of cake did YOU have to eat to get that gut? Has your doc told you lately you’re next in line to hop on the diabetes band wagon?

7.       Most importantly, MY diabetes is none of YOUR business. You are not my family, my friend, or my healthcare provider. Your unsolicited advice is not helpful. It only makes me want to punch you in the face. Besides, you’re wearing out my list of handy one liners that make my point without being offensive. We all know what happens when I move on to offensive.

So, stop asking me if I’m supposed to eat this or that, or telling me that I’m not supposed to eat this or that, or even noticing that I’m eating this or that. Your false concern is not wanted, needed, or even accurate for that matter.

And finally….Listen to old Hank for a minute…

Honesty isn't always the best policy....

I’m not sure how to deal with this writer’s block thing I have going on. ON a typical day, I have been known to w rite down 3 or 4 possible entry ideas. But, these past two weeks, I’ve probably only come up with three or four – period.

Sometimes I wonder if I don’t feel hindered by my own set of rules. There are tons of things I ‘d like to say at times; but, I know that the folks I want to rant about either read my blog, or are close to someone else who does.

It’s this little thing that is my reminder that if I can’t say it to your face, then it doesn’t need to be said. Overall, there’s no good reason to tell someone that you believe they have serious mental health issues (unless, of course, you were trying to be helpful and that honestly wouldn’t be the case here).

Some things I often want to say to people and don’t because I’m trying to be polite like my momma taught me:

1.       You are the most incredibly stupid person I’ve ever met.

2.       Someone you love is the most incredibly stupid person I’ve ever met.

3.       I seriously can’t stand you. I tolerate you because I have to.

4.       You talk too much.

5.       The fact that you talk too much wouldn’t bother me as bad if you at least had something interesting to say.

6.       You behave like an internet stalker.

7.       You make too much noise when you eat and it makes me want to punch you in the face.

8.       You’re seriously the most incredibly stupid person I’ve ever met.

9.       You’re a crappy parent.

10.   You’re just plain weird and it’s no surprise to me that you don’t have any friends.

11.   Really, you’re the most incredibly stupid person I’ve ever met.

12.   You say you’re in your thirties but, honestly, I think you’re only twelve.

13.   I think you’re a nutcase. But, it’s okay. They make meds for that. Here’s the number of a good shrink.

14.   Scratch that. I’ll call and make the appointment for you and then I’ll take you myself so I can be sure to tell the doc what a nutcase you are.

15.   Honestly, I can’t see a single good reason that God put you on this earth. But, He’s the boss so I guess I’ll just roll with it.

16.   I really can’t stand you.

17.   Once again, you’re the most incredibly stupid person I’ve ever met.

18.   I don’t understand why you were allowed to procreate.

19.   When are you going to stop drawing a government check and get your able bodied, but lazy, self a J-O-B?

20.   Seriously, I’d rather throw up than deal with you. Because you’re stupid. And crazy. Really.

Chicken Heads, Birthaversaries, D loves my gumbo and writer's block...

There’s nothing in the world that infuriates me more than to see able bodied adults with children who are unemployed and living off of my tax dollars; tax dollars that will not be available to support me when I retire after working for 30 years – tax dollars that I gladly paid because I knew that one day I’d basically get them back in the form of Medicare and Social Security.

There they are, those lazy and selfish folks, all excited about the first of the month with their food stamps and welfare checks, punching in their status updates on facebook by using their iPhone. But their grubby little kids are doing without and wearing hand me down clothes. I’m so mad I could spit nails.

I could, if I wanted to, sit at home and draw a check every month based on the status of my health. But, I don’t. I want more than what a disability check would afford me every month. I want my children to have more than what a disability check would afford them every month.

Does anyone remember that song “Chicken Head” or, what’s that other one? Oh…”First of the Month”… Yeah, that’s kind of what I’m thinking here….

*deep breath* moving on…

Don and I completely enjoyed our anniversary/his birthday. Yeah, same day...cool huh?

 You know what we did? Pretty much, we did a whole lot of nothing. We were tired Friday night so we stopped at a Walgreens and bought a deck of cards. Then, we went back to the house where we were staying and sat in the middle of the bed playing rummy.

For the record, he completely sucks at rummy. Even when he went out, I won.  Just sayin’….

Around midnight we decided we’d go out to have a cigarette. I was only wearing a t-shirt, so I wrapped a small throw around my waist and out to the front porch we went. No problem right?

Wrong! Someone managed to lock the front door!

In the middle of the night, in Hot Springs, I am sitting on a front porch in a strange neighborhood across from Oaklawn, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a throw that barely managed to cover my wide load. The keys were in the house and the truck was locked. All communication devices were in the house. I looked at my husband and contemplated tossing the throw and tackling him in the yard for locking us out; But it was cold, as in the wind chill was closer to 35, and I wasn’t about to come out from under that blanket. Besides, his skinny butt can outrun my not skinny butt.

Instead, while he went around the house looking for a window that wasn’t painted shut, I sat on the porch and waited. Well, most of the time I sat there and waited. When a car came down the street I’d wrap that throw around tight and run to hide behind a bush at the corner of the house. I was also contemplating whether or not to go across the street and ask Shirley Q. Liquor if I could use her phone to have someone come get me.

Finally, I hear a thud, immediately followed by a couple of softer thumps from inside the house.  Which later, I would find out that Don apparently didn’t know the bed in front of the window in the back bedroom was only a slightly blown up air mattress.  There was no cushion for his bony behind to land on when he propelled himself four feet off the ground and into an open window.

I’d have paid to watch that…

I completely enjoyed spending time with my oldest boy last night. It was even better when he called me out to the porch alone so we could talk about some more important things going on in his life. I’ve missed that part of our relationship. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen it.

I’ll have to lure him over with my homemade gumbo more often.

Hmmm…what else…

For weeks now I’ve been staring at the cursor flashing on my Tressie story and haven’t been able to write a single line. I have the beginning and I have the end; I just can’t seem to pull the middle together. I’m at a loss and I’m beginning to get frustrated. I don’t have the patience to sit around and wait for the proverbial light bulb to go on. I have notes, and notes, and even more notes and I can’t manage to mold them into something that makes sense.

Anyone want pages of notes and a word document to finish writing a story?

Filing for dummies (and Nurses too)....Yeah, that's the book I'll write....

I am utilizing my lunch break to gather my thoughts today. Unfortunately, for those of you reading my blog, that equals a rant. A somewhat humorous rant, but it’s a rant just the same.

I work in an office where medical claims are reviewed and processed by registered nurses. I am the assistant to the Nurse Supervisor and provide clerical support to the remaining nurses. Today, in an effort to keep my eyes off the computer screen for a bit, I assigned myself the daunting task of thinning and purging our files.

It should be simple really. The filing system is not complicated.

Let’s say you have a file for ABC Medical Group that you’ve reviewed and made a decision on. You would take that file, locate the drawer labeled “A”, locate the first expandable folder in that drawer, also labeled “A” and labeled 2011, because that’s the year we’re in, and you would place your claim in the front of that first folder. It doesn’t even have to be alphabetized within the A’s, it just has to be in the A folder with newest claims first. How hard is that?

Anyway, the result is, I should be able to open up the file drawer labeled “A”, go to the back of the files and pull out everything for the year 2009 by removing a single folder.

This didn’t work today. Their method of filing this year has been “Pick A Folder, Any Folder Labeled A and Stick It In There”. Now I’m mad and I swear after a moment resembling Linda Blair in The Exorcist, spinning head and all, I think I shot laser beams from my eyes.

After lunch I’m going to attempt to shoot fireballs from my fingertips.

I’ll let you know how that goes.

How ‘bout this one? Let’s say they want me to locate a folder for The ABC Medical Group. I should still be able to locate it in “A”. But no, not with these college educated girls. You know where I’ll find that one? It will be filed under “T” for THE!

Or, what about….

Yesterday, I walked into the office to find five women scrambling around their desks in complete panic. It looked something like a scene from Chicken Little, except they were women in heels and not chickens.

The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

You know what the problem was? The IT people changed Office Communicator to something called Lync, and when they logged on a box popped up on their computer screen offering to give them a tutorial for the new program.

“Oh no! Erica, what is this? Have you seen this? Is this supposed to be here? What should I do? Is this a ‘security incident’? Should I report it?”

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?

I wanted to tell them to step back, as their computer screen would self destruct in five seconds. They probably would have believed me.

But that would be wrong.

Except I really would have enjoyed the chaos that followed…

And one of them would probably have pulled the fire alarm and evacuated the building…

And then a bunch of red neck Arkansans would have been featured on the national news and portrayed for the dumb hillbillies the rest of the country already thinks we are.

(Have you seen the Clinton Library? Even Jay Leno and David Letterman have had a good golly time referencing that big trailer in the sky.)

Someone please tell me how people like these ladies get a college degree? Is this why they’re “paper nurses” and not “clinical nurses”?

Am I supposed to be amused and not annoyed?

Is filing really that difficult?

Do you think Chicken Little is offended by the comparison?

I hate women...

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe

What is wrong with teenage girls these days?

No, forget that. It’s not just teenage girls. It’s women in general.

As a whole, the lot of you makes me want to puke. I think this is why my group of female friends is so darn small. I can’t stand the frickin’ drama you ladies create. Ladies…hmph….how’s that for using a term loosely?

"If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty." — Marilyn Monroe

In all fairness, I guess I should fill my readers in on what inspired this particular rant.

It was Jr’s girlfriend. He went to church with her last night and he was no sooner in the door and the girl calls him, squalling like a baby, because she’s afraid he’s going to decide he likes that other girl more and dump her.

Where the heck did that crap come from? It’s the kind of stuff that makes me want to regress and say something stupid like, “Dude! Seriously?”  Or “WTF?”I hate it when my kids call me dude and use chat and text speak outside of chat and text. That’s another rant for another day though.

"Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?" — Marilyn Monroe

It’s this kind of stuff that makes me wonder what it is that we’re doing to our generations of daughters that they need someone else’s opinion to reassure them that they’re a worthwhile person. How does whether or not you’re in a relationship define who you are? Are you really that much in need of some daddy attention that you’re content to let a man determine your value? Are you really that inept at self evaluation that you can’t determine what makes you a valuable asset to a man?

You know, I ain’t the prettiest girl out there. I’m definitely not the skinniest…Hell, I got more curves than Daytona and Talledega combined, and not all them curves are in the right places. And, my husband? Well, he’s frickin’ hot, if you ask me.

See? Tell me this ain’t purty….

 Something about that mixture of American Indian and Portuguese makes a beautiful combination.

"When it comes down to it, I let them think what they want. If they care enough to bother with what I do, then I'm already better than them." — Marilyn Monroe

You know what? It doesn’t worry me one bit that he rates higher than me on the hotness scale, and I’ll tell you why.

It’s because I know, without any uncertainty, what makes me a valuable asset to a spouse. I know that he’s going to love me because I’m all the things I am.

Notice here I didn’t say, “All the things he needs me to be.” That doesn’t work folks. When you run around trying to be what you think someone wants you to be, eventually you’re gonna get tired and you’re gonna resent that person for expecting things that you can’t deliver.

He loves me because I am nothing more than what I am.

"It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone." — Marilyn Monroe

He loves me because  --

I’m independent.

I’m honest.

I’m loyal.

I stand by him, even when I think he’s wrong.

I’m a team player.

I don’t need to be rescued.

His children are my children too.

I know when to lead and when to follow.

I don’t judge him.

I know that sexy and appealing isn’t how you look, but what you believe yourself to be.

I respect him.

I don’t take him for granted. I always let him know he’s appreciated.

I inspire him rather than try and change him.

I exude confidence, even though some might think I shouldn’t.

It’s that stuff right there girls that makes him want you. Do you honestly think that you’re going to be appealing to him because you’re calling him every five minutes and whining silly phrases like:

You don’t love me enough.

Are you sure you want to be with me?

Is she prettier than me?

Why do you love me?

I must not be good enough for you.

Whoever coined that phrase about repeating something often enough makes you believe it was spot on.

You want a guy to think that you’re worthless and not good enough for him? Then, by all means, keep up with your insecure damsel in distress act, and eventually he’ll start to believe it too.

I don’t care how you try to color it, needy, whiny, dependent and insecure doesn’t equal cute. It equals desperate and pathetic. It makes you look like a loser.

If you’re a teenage girl reading this, grow up and get over it. Figure out who you are and find someone who will take you “as is”.

If you’re an adult female and you’re reading this and you’re still acting this way…see teenage girl advice above and stop being emotionally and socially crippled.

If you’re a parent raising daughters PLEASE for the sake of my four boys, and all remaining teens unfortunate enough to have been born male, teach those girls their value. Because, if your daughter calls my son and talks the kind of crap we heard last night, I might find I can’t restrain myself any longer and I’m going to take the phone and tell her what I think. And thank you Lord, for not giving me girls that I’ll have to console after that kind of tongue lashing!

My Five Strongest Personality Traits (and how I use them)

I’m gonna do the best I can with this post because I said I would do it today. However, my brain and my body really aren’t on board so I hope this doesn’t come off as disorganized as I feel.  Besides, I’m trying to cram this in during my lunch break so I don’t have to wait until tonight to post it. Good thing I took notes.

I hate days like today – days when fibromyalgia is kicking the crap out of me, days when I’m really stressed and extra tired because I can’t sleep because fibromyalgia is kicking the crap out of me, days when I want to take a particular roofing company, and everything that goes with it, and kick it off the top of the tallest building I can find because the stress annoys my fibromyalgia and gives it room to kick the crap outta me and keep me from sleeping.

Owning a business is not fun, folks. I don’t care who tried to convince you otherwise. They lie. I just keep telling myself we’re only going to be broke for a little while and things will get better. The business will finally start to run without pouring personal funds we don't have into it. That whole think positive BS line only goes so far though when you’re like me and in the habit of arguing with yourself. Somewhere in the corner of my brain there still resides a pessimistic, cynical witch who keeps shouting, “Yeah right!”

So, my five strongest traits and how I use them, both positive and negative. Cynical Witch is strong today so you may hear from her periodically as I compose this.

Ha! You should probably include Cynical Witch as one of your strongest personality traits.

Yeah, whatever. Move over and let me finish.

The traits –

Loyal

Stubborn/determined/strong willed

Honest

Introspective/analytical/thinker

Perhaps now you’re thinking, “That’s only four.”

Pfft…Way to state the obvious there, sunshine.

Shut up.

Well, that’s the best I could come up with before my brain went into lockdown and all cognitive thought process jumped on the nearest bus headed out of town. So, sorry…here’s my four.

Loyal

I really struggle with this one. Often I’m so loyal that I miss the fact that I’m dealing with a loser who doesn’t deserve my loyalty. It’s not as bad now as it used to be.  But, I’m not as naïve as I used to be and I’m not as passive as I used to be. I think the worst I get out of it now is that it encourages people to be overly dependent on me.  Kind of like, “Let’s dump it on Erica. She won’t mind.”

The positive? Most anyone who knows me will tell you how dependable I am. Friends who I’ve parted ways with know that their big secrets are still safe with me. I talk to myself, my dog and my blog more than I talk to live people. My husband runs a close fourth to those other three things.

Since myself isn’t talking to anyone but myself, my dog ain’t talking to anyone but me, I have clear rules of engagement for the blog, and my husband and I are peas in a pod when it comes to secrets, that pretty much insures that your secrets are safe with me. I’m the go to girl for spilling your secrets. I’ve got more dirt on folks than you can shake a stick at and I ain’t telling any of it. But, I’m constantly skipping around in my brain singing, “I know something you don’t know. Neener Neener Neener.”

Ha! For someone you’re trying to keep at bay there sure is a whole lot of cynical on the outside.

Yeah, like I said, shut up.

Stubborn/determined/strong-willed

Now, if I want to talk about the negative aspect of this trait I guess I’ll have to say that it often translates to unyielding, unforgiving, and extreme difficulty admitting when I’m wrong and apologizing for it. It also causes me to lose sight of the bigger picture. I end up concentrating so hard on the end goal that I miss opportunities to compromise in a way that will benefit everyone involved.

How’s that for honesty?

It’s this trait that has made me such a fierce advocate for my children. Trying to navigate the healthcare system and the public school system for children with special needs is extremely frustrating. But, my tenacity has allowed me to ensure that my children received the best care and access to services that were available.  All because I wouldn’t take no for an answer and because I wasn’t content with, “Well, we know there’s something wrong but we don’t know what something is…”

Honest/straightforward

I have been called brutally honest at times. Sometimes I lack the tact to express myself without hurting someone’s feelings. It’s almost like I’m functioning without a filter. That’s where my cynical nature comes in and has been known to alienate people.

You betcha.

Sometimes though, there is that person who looks me in the eye and says, “thank you for telling it like it is.” There’s that one person who will appreciate the fact that exactly where you stand with me is never in question, because I’m gonna tell you. One way or the other it’s going to be thrown out there.  Sometimes, there’s that one person who looks past the harshness of my snarky comment and sees that it’s actually me being funny, rather than mean.

Well, at least you let me have a little fun with the dummies at AT&T this morning. *giggle*

Introspective/analytical/thinker

Oh Lord, can I think something to death!

I’ll think it so hard that I un-think it and have to start all over again.

I’ll think so much on it, afraid of making the wrong decision, that I’ll think myself right into a state of inertia.

It drives my mother nuts. Just ask her. You have any idea how many times that woman has said in exasperation, “What’s there to think about? Will you just do SOMETHING?”

Hang on a sec, I’m thinking. *chuckle*

But, thinking things over works to my advantage too. Do you have any idea how many lives have been spared from my evil scorpio temper because I needed time to think before I said something? Taking a minute to think it over is the reason that a certain ex boyfriend is in jail and I’m not.

I still say you should have let me whack him with that bottle of Bud Light. It’s not like it would have been a waste of perfectly good beer or anything.

One more time….shut up.

Thinking things through is what allows me to be so resourceful when something needs to be done. Out thinking school officials is one of those things.

Remember that time the superintendent asked if you were threatening him and you let me answer for you?  “No sir, threats are for people who don’t know what to do next. Now, are you going to make the arrangements or am I contacting an attorney?”  That was fun… Or, what about….

Seriously, that’s probably enough. I’m sure they get the picture. But yes, that was fun…

I guess for #5 I should mention:

Cynical/sarcastic/dry witted/facetious

If you ask me (they didn’t, you know) they all go hand in hand. But, I’m not going to take the time to explain the positives and negatives about number 5. (Gee, thanks) It’s right here in black and white all over my blog. You know what it does for me. It’s the reason you read the stuff I write. It’s the reason I’ll probably have something snarky to say tomorrow.

Maybe you'll like it. Maybe you'll think it's a crock. If you think it's a crock, do me a favor and relay your thoughts to Cynical. She runs the complaints department.

I've been talking to myself...

I wasn’t going to blog today. The plan was to just hide until tomorrow when I plan to  post my response to my challenge regarding my five strongest personality traits.

I was going to pretend the rest of the world wasn’t here. But, here I am anyway, mind spinning in circles, looking for something to share.

For me, journaling this way has become something of an addiction. It’s almost as if I can’t find a way to function if I don’t purge myself of all the words and phrases swimming in my brain. Sometimes I wonder if the endless need to spill my life over on to this blog don’t come from all the things I wish I could say and can’t.

Me? The girl who seems to have no filter in regard to things I say?

Absolutely.

I have rules of engagement. Remember?

If it were just a matter of it being MY things to share, then I most certainly would tell it all without hesitation. But, there are also those daily happenings that don’t belong solely to me. I share my life with a multitude of family and friends who all have their own happenings. Happenings that affect my life as much as they affect theirs. It’s those things I can’t share. It’s one thing to tell all when it comes to me but, for them…

Well, that just wouldn’t be right, would it?

There are things I want to share about the special needs of my children. I feel I can’t though. Because if people knew the scope of the need my kids would be open to all the scrutiny and stigma associated with those needs. They’re children. As their mother, it’s my job to protect them from that, not add to it.

There are emotional and stressful things happening in the life of my brother. Things that, albeit on a much lighter scale, affect me too in an emotional and stressful way. Again, not solely mine to share.

What do I do then? What outlet do I chose and deem safe to express the additional angst that I deal with – things that aren’t just mine? The things I want to rant about but feel restrained by my sense of obligation to those people in my life?

Sometimes I feel as though I’m just going to explode with those things. I can feel them stretching thin the outer edges of my psyche until I feel they’re weak, leaving me fearful of leaking little bits of those things that aren’t mine.

I loathe editing myself. I loathe restraint.

So, how do I reconcile who I am with the right thing to do?

I talk to myself. I have entire conversations with myself. I have entire two-sided conversations with myself. My brain is constantly in a state of give and take, statement and rebuttal, two-sided conversation.

I firmly believe that it’s this little habit that, rather than make me crazy, is the one thing that keeps me sane.

Keeping it real....

I know most of you enjoy reading because sometimes I can be funny. But, there are also times that I’m not funny.

Sometimes I’m dark.

Sometimes I’m in your face.

Always, I am real.

Speaking of real, I’ve had many varied responses to how real I can be here. A few have said that they don’t know how I can spill so much reality into the great expanse of the internet – how can I bare my soul to virtual strangers…

But most of you have thanked me. You’ve thanked me for being real. You’ve thanked me for being honest. You’ve thanked me for not blowing an endless stream of hearts and flowers up your ass.

In keeping it real, I think if you’re honest with yourself, you don’t want to hear sunshine and roses all the time. I think what you really want to know is how real people are dealing with real issues. You want to know how the rest of us are functioning in this insane world without going crazy. I think if you were faced with someone who was always bubbly, always happy and whose life was always perfect, you'd do a double take and shout, "What the heck is wrong with that person?"

For you naysayers, this is how some of us do it. We write and we share. We transform all our negative emotions into words and throw them out into the world, knowing that somewhere out there someone else feels the same way we do. That eventually, everything we feel will land on someone else who can relate, and we will be given affirmation that we aren't so crazy after all.

Somebody Has to Say It, to teenagers....

Things I wish I could tell every teenager and make them believe it…

I don’t really know what’s going on with me this week. Maybe it’s the huge changes going on in our household, knowing that D is moving back from NC soon or just having teens back in my life; regardless of which one it is, or if it’s a combination of all, I am feeling a little overwhelmed this week and slightly down in the dumps. I’m having trouble being creative and I’m having trouble focusing. Poor Tressie has been stewing on the back burner for almost two weeks now because I’m unable to move forward in her story.

What’s bugging me? Why am I in such a funk right now? Really? Well, kids are what’s bugging me.  It’s not in a “you get on my nerves” kind of way. It’s more like a “you scare me” or “quick, get behind my shield from life” or “you make me sad” kind of bugging me.

I’m warning you now, this is one of my “Somebody Has To Say It” moments. I’m going to be really straightforward and blunt and I’m not going to mince words or edit for content. I can guarantee you I’m going to offend someone.

As parents, I think it’s instinctive to protect our children and keep them from any life experience that will harm them. However, I wonder if we realize what a disservice we do them by shielding them from the world. If they don’t make mistakes how will they learn to clean up the mess called life? If they aren’t allowed to have conflict then how will they learn to resolve conflict when it’s presented? If they don’t have failures how will they learn to create successes?

So, what do I want them to know? Well, here’s my top 10. If I had time I could definitely think of more but, 10 is a good start.

1.       You’re young. You’re going to have a lot of relationships come and go before you finally find “the one”. Every girl/guy you date is not the love of your life. I kissed a lot of damn frogs and I was 36 years old before I finally found my prince.

2.       Needing to spend every minute of your day focused on your partner, or spend every free minute with your partner is not love. It’s infatuation. It’s insecurity. It’s messed up. It only makes you look desperate and needy.

3.       Feeling like your life sucks because you don’t have a relationship is not normal. If you need to be in a relationship to define who you are, then you have no business being in a relationship. When you’re ok being alone and can be happy and comfortable with who you are, then you’re ready.

4.       Sex does not make you cool, nor does it make you an adult. Sex at your age doesn’t mean that the person you had sex with thinks you’re awesome and will never leave you. It doesn’t even mean they want you or like you. It only means they had raging hormones and wanted to get laid. Eventually, they’ll get bored with you and you’ll kick yourself for not waiting.

5.       Getting involved with someone who is already involved with someone else is messed up. You’re not going to “steal” them away. You’re never going to be their one and only. All you’re going to be is a dumb ass and everyone will know it except you. Why won’t you know you’re a dumb ass? Because you’ll be too busy spending all your time wondering why you aren’t special enough for them to end it with the person who was there first. Let the other dumb ass have the loser who’s already taken and move on with someone who’s available.

6.       Having a baby with someone does not seal a relationship and, like it or not, it does not make you a parent, it only makes you someone who procreated. It does nothing except create problems and it creates more messed up kids who are being raised in single parent homes. Period. If you need someone to love you unconditionally, ask your parents for a dog. Dogs don’t discriminate and they’ll love you for no other reason than you fed them. Your children will only love you if you’re a good parent. Otherwise, they’re not afraid to tell you that you suck. As a kid, one would think you’d already know this and it should be enough to clue you in that you don’t know crap about life.

7.       The world does not owe you a damn thing. If you want something then get off your lazy behind and make it happen. Your parents are not fricking genies. If you want a genie, then I suggest you change your name to Aladdin and go spelunking in some Middle Eastern caves. If you happen to find Bin Laden, handle some business. Then I might consider granting a couple of wishes. But only if you bring me some of that hidden treasure.

8.       If things are going crappy in your life, chances are, it’s no one’s fault but yours. The crappiness in your life is a direct result of the decisions you made. If your parents had ever bucked up and given you some consequences, you’d probably know this already.

9.       Your parents do not have to buy you everything you want. We are only required to buy what you need. I can go to Salvation Army and buy your school clothes and there ain’t crap anyone can do about it.

10.   Mature adults do not have temper tantrums. They do not scream, or hit or throw things. That is behavior expected from a three year old. Double check your age and make sure you’re in the appropriate range. The fact that so and so pissed you off and you whooped their tail does not make you cool…It makes you a toddler.

Seriously, you can take my advice or not. But here’s the hard truth. I didn’t come by all this infinite wisdom by reading a book or taking educated guesses. I learned it from the school of hard knocks. I have been every single jackwagon description listed above.

However, if you’re content with the world talking behind your back about what a loser you are then, by all means, go right ahead on with being a dork. Meanwhile, I’ll be sitting pretty over here with a job, a successful marriage and good friends I can count on who actually WANT to be around me.

Just sayin’….