Friday, 28 October 2011
Monday, 24 October 2011
I also thought I'd share this little bit for you in case you were confused. You may have noticed on my Facebook page little things about lilacs, mulberries, amethysts, or LMA. It's a pain rating from The Chronicles of Fibromyalgia page. Lilacs are Low pain. Mulberries are Medium pain, Amethyst is Awful pain, and LMA is Leave Me Alone pain.
I am now velcroed to you for life. Others around you can’t see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me. I can attack you anywhere and anyhow I please. I can cause severe pain or, if I’m in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.
Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun? I took Energy from you, and... gave you Exhaustion. Try to have fun now! I also took Good Sleep from you and, in its place, gave you Brain Fog. I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else
feels normal. Oh, yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too. If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away, too. You didn’t ask for me. I chose you for various reasons: That virus you had that you never recovered from, or that car accident, or maybe it was the years of abuse and trauma. Well, anyway, I’m here to stay!
I hear you‘re going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I’m rolling on the floor, laughing. Just try. You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. You will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given a TENs unit, get massaged, told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away, told to think positively, poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not taken as seriously as you feel when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is every day.
Your family, friends and coworkers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I’m a debilitating disease. Some of them will say things like “Oh, you are just having a bad day” or “Well, remember, you can’t do the things you use to do 20 YEARS ago“, not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ago.
In closing, (I was hoping that I kept this part a secret), but I guess you already found out...the ONLY place you will get any support and understanding in dealing with me is with Other People With Fibromyalgia.
Thursday, 20 October 2011
Sunday, 16 October 2011
She was beautiful. Not just in a conventional way. It was an inner radiance, almost tangible. She was sunshine that warmed you when she smiled. One of those rare humans who was so real that you couldn't help to look harder at yourself to see how you might look in comparison. And, if you didn't measure up, she didn't judge you, she just encouraged you to do better next time.
She was only fifteen, but she carried the wisdom of an old soul as if it were weightless. She responded to mean spirited questions as if they were the most ridiculous things she'd ever heard. It didn't matter if you thought her choices weren't cool. Because they were, without question, absolutely right.
Sometimes I still drive through that little town and find myself detouring to the back corner of that cemetery just to take a moment and let her know that I still remember. I dust off her headstone and wish I'd remembered to bring flowers. I remember the day I saw her mother there. I tell her of all the lessons she taught me. No one knew or practiced love like she did.
Today would have been her birthday. Today I shed a few tears in remembrance.
Today when I still want to be confused and angry that she wasn't allowed to be a blessing to more people I remember....
when I am kind she blesses others.
When I am honest she blesses others.
When I do what's right she blesses others.
When I strive to be what I knew her to be, I keep her alive.
These are the truest ways to honor her memory and it's something done by all of us fortunate enough to have called her friend.
Thursday, 13 October 2011
So you may notice I deleted my last post. I had a moment. I don't know what else to say. I'm sorry.
Honestly, I didn't delete it for anyone else's benefit. I just had some time to think on it and I'm honest enough to say I was being immature. I don't believe any friend I was referring to read the post and I'm glad for that.
Just know this: if you have a friend who is hurting or sick, don't stop calling just to say hi. Sick friends don't expect you to know what to say. They don't expect you to placate them. They just want to know you still care.
Sometimes, just the fact that someone took the time to acknowledge them is the best medicine.
Friday, 7 October 2011
It's almost more trouble than it's worth to type out this little post this morning. I woke up today with pain and numbness in my hands and arms and it won't go away. With the assistance of my blogger app, I'm posting from my phone this morning- - somehow from a supine position in the confines of my bed, while my little Lola sleeps at my side.
Only another person with a pain disorder wouldn't feel shocked at the number of hours a person like myself could sleep and lie in bed. Sure, I try a little yoga when I can. I try to walk when I can. But, despite doing everything the doctor says is necessary for fibromyalgia I still get no relief and continue to get worse.
I wonder then, how "they" can insist this is fibromyalgia. Wouldn't it be reasonable to think that if it were I would get relief by following the doctor's advice and taking meds as prescribed?
I find myself discouraged and angry more often than not. It would be so easy to just give up and quit.
I miss my friends. I miss being able to get up and go whenever I want. I miss Friday night football. I miss my little blog. I'm tired of being stuck at home waiting for a good day.