Thursday, 11 October 2012
I used to have friends named Lindsey and Sheldon
Have you ever been totally relieved to be free of a friendship that became a burden and a stressor, only to find yourself constantly bombarded with thoughts of that person? Wondering what’s new?
I’m currently in that place. It’s absurd. Completely and totally absurd!
In regard to Sheldon:
I think it wouldn’t be such a problem except for the fact that I work in the same building as she does. I usually can go weeks or months without laying eyes on her and then, suddenly, I see her two or three times a week over the last couple of months.
If this is some kind of divine message, I’m not buying it.
For clarification, she doesn’t read my blog that I’m aware of. I didn’t start it until after the friendship was over. So, unless she’s added stalker to her other unfavorable traits, she shouldn’t even be aware that there is a blog in existence. Besides, I ain’t saying anything here I ain’t said to her already.
It wasn’t one of those you’re-not-a-good-person-so-I-don’t-want-to-be-your-friend-anymore kind of things. She is a good person. She’s just different and hard to have any kind of relationship with. The problem was that I couldn’t keep up with her ever increasing demands, her strange set of rules that she expects the world to follow despite their lack of logic, her need to know my every move, and the fact that she, as a never married person with no children, couldn’t seem to understand that my first responsibility was to my husband and children. It was kind of like being friends with Sheldon Cooper, only Sheldon has average intelligence in this case.
I remember her asking me to go somewhere with her and I told her I needed to check with my family first. That’s what you do when you have a family. She told me my priorities were messed up because I had to answer to a man before making plans. I told Sheldon that she just answered her own question about why no one wanted to be married to her.
And that was the end of that. And I think it's completely absurd that I give a flying eff what she's doing now.
In regard to Lindsey, you know, the famous one:
My old friend from the teen years. We went through some stuff, big stuff, the kind of stuff that most friends never have to go through. But she had a problem that was bigger than our friendship. After 13 years of trying to help her through it, I realized there was nothing I could do for her. I realized that until that moment when everyone abandoned her and she had no one left to bail her out, she would never get help or get better. I realized that I was enabling her and it was time for me to go. I couldn’t be her crutch anymore.
But, there are things I miss about her and I’ll always love her. And, I still wonder about her all the time even though I know that we’re better off without one another. I’ve seen her twice since the friendship ended 11 years ago. She finally got that help. I still pray every day that she’ll be ok.
But, I saw her two youngest children the other day and it made that loss seem fresh all over again. I don’t think this one will ever not hurt. And maybe, I really don’t question why the wondering stuck. Because nothing I remember in regard to her, nothing I wonder, is really absurd at all.
Posted by Erica Tomlin