Wednesday, 27 July 2011
I want to blog.
Every day that goes by I want to post. But I don’t. No matter how hard I try, the words won’t come. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve composed two or three sentences, made my way to the computer, and suddenly found my mind completely blank.
It hurts. It rakes at my soul. It laughs at me.
There’s all this stuff inside my brain, stuff that’s entirely unique to me, stuff that makes me who I am, and I can’t get it out. It’s stuck. I close my eyes and see words, hear the jumbled whispers of my thoughts, and when I try to express them, like a playful puppy daring you to catch it they evade me at the last minute.
So I sit and think in my black hole of nothing-- too frustrated and tired to even attempt to find the door out and wonder what to do next. Wanting so badly to blog about all the things going on in my life. Raising kids, J being tested for Autism tomorrow, annoyances about family, how I'm coping with health issues about family, health issues about me, why I don't want to be in my house anymore, why I think I need a new job, etc.
But I'm blank. I've got nothing to give. I'm chasing words that continue to elude me.
As writers, do you ever experience this? Do you ever find your thought process so disorganized that you can’t pinpoint a cognitive thought to put on paper? What do you do when this happens?