Friday, 25 February 2011

Somebody Has to Say It, to teenagers....

Things I wish I could tell every teenager and make them believe it…
I don’t really know what’s going on with me this week. Maybe it’s the huge changes going on in our household, knowing that D is moving back from NC soon or just having teens back in my life; regardless of which one it is, or if it’s a combination of all, I am feeling a little overwhelmed this week and slightly down in the dumps. I’m having trouble being creative and I’m having trouble focusing. Poor Tressie has been stewing on the back burner for almost two weeks now because I’m unable to move forward in her story.
What’s bugging me? Why am I in such a funk right now? Really? Well, kids are what’s bugging me.  It’s not in a “you get on my nerves” kind of way. It’s more like a “you scare me” or “quick, get behind my shield from life” or “you make me sad” kind of bugging me.
I’m warning you now, this is one of my “Somebody Has To Say It” moments. I’m going to be really straightforward and blunt and I’m not going to mince words or edit for content. I can guarantee you I’m going to offend someone.
As parents, I think it’s instinctive to protect our children and keep them from any life experience that will harm them. However, I wonder if we realize what a disservice we do them by shielding them from the world. If they don’t make mistakes how will they learn to clean up the mess called life? If they aren’t allowed to have conflict then how will they learn to resolve conflict when it’s presented? If they don’t have failures how will they learn to create successes?
So, what do I want them to know? Well, here’s my top 10. If I had time I could definitely think of more but, 10 is a good start.
1.       You’re young. You’re going to have a lot of relationships come and go before you finally find “the one”. Every girl/guy you date is not the love of your life. I kissed a lot of damn frogs and I was 36 years old before I finally found my prince.

2.       Needing to spend every minute of your day focused on your partner, or spend every free minute with your partner is not love. It’s infatuation. It’s insecurity. It’s messed up. It only makes you look desperate and needy.

3.       Feeling like your life sucks because you don’t have a relationship is not normal. If you need to be in a relationship to define who you are, then you have no business being in a relationship. When you’re ok being alone and can be happy and comfortable with who you are, then you’re ready.

4.       Sex does not make you cool, nor does it make you an adult. Sex at your age doesn’t mean that the person you had sex with thinks you’re awesome and will never leave you. It doesn’t even mean they want you or like you. It only means they had raging hormones and wanted to get laid. Eventually, they’ll get bored with you and you’ll kick yourself for not waiting.

5.       Getting involved with someone who is already involved with someone else is messed up. You’re not going to “steal” them away. You’re never going to be their one and only. All you’re going to be is a dumb ass and everyone will know it except you. Why won’t you know you’re a dumb ass? Because you’ll be too busy spending all your time wondering why you aren’t special enough for them to end it with the person who was there first. Let the other dumb ass have the loser who’s already taken and move on with someone who’s available.

6.       Having a baby with someone does not seal a relationship and, like it or not, it does not make you a parent, it only makes you someone who procreated. It does nothing except create problems and it creates more messed up kids who are being raised in single parent homes. Period. If you need someone to love you unconditionally, ask your parents for a dog. Dogs don’t discriminate and they’ll love you for no other reason than you fed them. Your children will only love you if you’re a good parent. Otherwise, they’re not afraid to tell you that you suck. As a kid, one would think you’d already know this and it should be enough to clue you in that you don’t know crap about life.

7.       The world does not owe you a damn thing. If you want something then get off your lazy behind and make it happen. Your parents are not fricking genies. If you want a genie, then I suggest you change your name to Aladdin and go spelunking in some Middle Eastern caves. If you happen to find Bin Laden, handle some business. Then I might consider granting a couple of wishes. But only if you bring me some of that hidden treasure.

8.       If things are going crappy in your life, chances are, it’s no one’s fault but yours. The crappiness in your life is a direct result of the decisions you made. If your parents had ever bucked up and given you some consequences, you’d probably know this already.

9.       Your parents do not have to buy you everything you want. We are only required to buy what you need. I can go to Salvation Army and buy your school clothes and there ain’t crap anyone can do about it.

10.   Mature adults do not have temper tantrums. They do not scream, or hit or throw things. That is behavior expected from a three year old. Double check your age and make sure you’re in the appropriate range. The fact that so and so pissed you off and you whooped their tail does not make you cool…It makes you a toddler.

Seriously, you can take my advice or not. But here’s the hard truth. I didn’t come by all this infinite wisdom by reading a book or taking educated guesses. I learned it from the school of hard knocks. I have been every single jackwagon description listed above.
However, if you’re content with the world talking behind your back about what a loser you are then, by all means, go right ahead on with being a dork. Meanwhile, I’ll be sitting pretty over here with a job, a successful marriage and good friends I can count on who actually WANT to be around me.
Just sayin’….


  1. My husband and I met when I was 16 and he was 17. We got married when I was 17 and he was 18. (I was NOT pregnant). This year, we'll celebrate our 17th anniversary. You know how screwed up it is to try to explain #1 to my 15 and 14-year-old sons? But I do it, nonetheless. I've had countless conversations with them about how their dad and I are RARE and the exception to the rule. They are also homeschooled, so I learned very early on that I have to sit back and allow them to make mistakes. Even if I see them coming. That's hard. But I do it, nonetheless.

  2. I have a hard time too, trying to explain all the things I think they shouldn't do when they know full well I've done most of the things I discourage them from. I can't tell you how many times my oldest has looked at me and said, "But YOU did it and you're OK." Letting them make mistakes and get hurt is probably the hardest part of being a parent. I'm glad you're following my blog. I really enjoy and appreciate your candid and "real" approach.

  3. Wow. I so wish I had had someone say all of that to me when I was 16. It is all so true.

    I am your newest follower. I am definitely excited about reading more from you.