I’m dealing with some really dark stuff these days. I guess you guys have noticed that lately.
So, one of my fellow bloggers created a post yesterday that, in combination with current events in my life, that dark place I keep going to, inspired today’s post.
Dafeena wrote about her inner child. We all have one. What he/she is like is determined by circumstances in our lives that made us who we are.
Today I wonder if you know your inner child. What is he/she like? What makes him/her significant to you? What hurts or fears does he/she represent to you? How do you comfort or soothe him/her? How does he/she comfort or soothe you?
For just a moment when I read Dafeena’s post yesterday, I was frozen. An instant vision of that little girl slammed into my head with blunt force. My brain came to a screeching halt and my emotional barricade screamed, “No! Don’t go there!”
But, that’s the screwed up thing about it all…
It wasn’t my emotional barricade that was screaming. It was my inner child telling me that she wanted to stay in her protective shell. She wanted to remain, safe and numb, exactly where she was – except now, she wasn’t numb, she was angry.
She didn’t want to travel into the darkest parts of me, the places that are often the hardest to come back from. She didn’t want to think about the things I was thinking about.
She stomped, she kicked and she raged at me.
My inner child is small and frail in appearance; yet, in many ways, she is stronger than me.
She represents my approach to relationships.
She comforts me more than I comfort her.
Sometimes she feels so I don’t have to.
When she’s angry she’s far more dangerous than I ever dreamed of being.
I sat there staring at the computer screen for several moments, feeling her looking at me with all the defiance her tiny self could muster.
Then, I closed my tear filled eyes, took a deep breath and mentally took the hand of my inner child. Together we walked in silence, as we often do, and crawled into God’s lap.
There, He soothed us and reminded us that all those things that hurt us no longer exist – that we are safe and we are loved. Then, He reminded us that He was there to bear those burdens for us, that we didn’t have to bear them for one another and that she and I were one and the same.
I think it was in that moment I knew that He had “the situation” under control.
Today I am chasing dragonflies with my inner child. For today, we’re smiling. For today, we’re encouraged. For today, we’re free.
We feel peace because we know that one day soon we’ll be able to teach another little girl to chase dragonflies with her inner child… it’s destiny….
You are so much braver than me because I am still standing at a distance but maybe some day we can gathre the little girls all together and they will be free to be the little girls they were suppose to be instead of the ones they were forced to become.
ReplyDeleteYou know when I wrote that post, I never ever imagined anyone would ever truly understand what I was saying and that is why I made light of it because it was easier than feeling the pain, but you heard her and today she heard you.
Do you mind if we come and chase dragonflies with you?
It always amazes me to hear people lamenting their weaknesses, only to see that their strength is bigger and louder and more capable than they probably even realize. Weakness and fear are such sneaky things. They lie. But strength? It's not sneaky at all. It just punches weakness in the face.
ReplyDeleteDafeena.. You can chase dragonflies with us anytime you like. :)
ReplyDeleteAimee...you're spot on, as usual. :)
I already had that post typed up. I was coming here to get the link for your blog when I found this post. I had no idea you had written it until I came to get your link.
ReplyDeleteKindred spirits or the 3 stooges?!
ReplyDeleteKindred spirits sounds so much cooler.