Tuesday, 14 December 2010

I cried over THAT?????

Oddly enough, since the decision yesterday to write this post, and due to circumstances which are not at all ridiculous, I’ve become an emotional wreck in the last 18 hours. Let’s just say that diabetes sucks and I hate the bureaucratic nonsense of the insurance and pharmaceutical industries. I’ve cried, or felt like crying, at least a dozen times in those 18 hours.
Generally, there isn’t much that makes me cry. It’s not that I’m cold or unfeeling. I just don’t do it. My outward response to things that make most people cry is evident but I just don’t get teary eyed. Sure, sometimes I get my feelings hurt and might tear up a little but I’m overall just not a crier.
Over the past month or so I’ve had various unexpected crying spells attributed to things that I would normally be sentimental about but wouldn’t cry. I discussed this with my mother yesterday. Her response to me was, “You’re becoming normal so you might as well accept it”. 

If this is what normal is then I’m concerned.

We continued our discussion and came to the conclusion that the death of my aunt in July may be the cause of my hypersensitivity to sentimental objects and subjects. That, however, is another post entirely and something I think I’m going to work on in the coming weeks.
So, here’s my list of things (some silly and some not) that have brought tears to my eyes recently. I hope you can appreciate the humor and perhaps you can relate.  In fact, your ability to relate would assure me that I haven’t completely lost my mind. Feel free to comment if you relate. It might help me be a little less tearful.
Toy Story III – what an altogether ridiculous thing for a nearly 40 year old menopausal woman to cry about. I actually saw the movie in July the weekend after we buried my Aunt Iva. I cried towards the end when Andy was making the decision to donate his box of toys to another child. The scenes of Andy reliving his childhood with Woody and Buzz were overwhelming for some reason and Sheryl and Susan had such a good laugh at me sobbing. This led me to the overall awkward state of laughing, crying and blowing my nose all at the same time.
Toy Story III – again – My mother mentioned the movie yesterday and the tears tried to well up. This is what prompted the discussion we had yesterday. This is what led me to today’s post. Just thinking of the movie brought me back to that scene at the end that made me so emotional. In fact, as I write this, that familiar little ache is back in my chest and my eyes are tearing up. Thank goodness I decided this morning to forego makeup because of my strange emotional state.
Babies being born – It could be in the midst of the most ridiculously funny sitcom and I will tear up. There’s something about that moment that has always gotten to me. It reminds me of the births of each of my boys and that first moment when they were handed to me. The first time I was able to count all the little fingers and toes and kiss their sweet little cheeks and …..oh good grief the flood gates are opening again!  Moving on…
Watching Oprah – First, let me say, I’m pretty ambivalent about Oprah. Sometimes the shows are cool and they give me that little feel good thing. Overall though, is kind of like, “Eh, Oprah”. So, I’m watching Oprah and there’s Debbie Boone and she’s singing You Light Up My Life, and my mother reminds me how much I loved the song as a little girl, and the tears came and I felt silly. Cheesy Debbie Boone singing a cheesy song from the cheesy 70’s and I cry like a baby. It took me a good 10 minutes to restore myself to my natural state.
The Flea Market – I was wandering around a flea market with Don. It’s one of my favorite things to do. This last time was very emotional for me though. There were several items that I picked up that just moved me. Don spent most of the visit looking at me like I’d lost my mind. But, in typical Don fashion, he just shrugged his shoulders and went on looking.

Growing up, my mother had a set of ceramic nesting bowls. They were beautiful and each bowl was glazed on the outside with colors from the seventies. As I wandered the aisles I found a set. Not just any set but a set from the 1940’s. I wanted them. I REALLY wanted them. Look at them, they’re beautiful…

They were also $119.00. I didn’t have $119.00 to spend on mixing bowls. Cue tears. Finally, I sucked it up and moved on.

Just as I thought I had recouperated I found another item.  It is a beautiful glass bowl that has been etched with a star pattern. My mother has one just like it. That bowl has been a part of my life since I was a little girl. Similar to this but a different pattern:

I teared up again. I felt ridiculous. There was nothing I could do about it so I moved on.
Then I found item #3. It was a sewing box. It was a sewing box from the 1970’s. It was in perfect condition and it was identical to one my mother owns. It is identical to one my mother has owned all of my life. It is plastic, off-white and has a basket weave pattern on the outside. It has the coolest little tray that sits in the top that has places for thread, bobbins, needles and other odds and ends. I cried again. I almost bought it. I may still go back and buy it. It doesn’t matter that I don’t sew. It doesn’t matter that someday I will have my mother’s sewing box. I NEED that sewing box.

I don’t sew.
I can’t find a photo of one. I almost took a photo in the flea market that day but I didn’t and this makes me want to cry now.
Is this, as my mother says, becoming normal? Surely I was normal before and am not normal now? Why in the world am I suddenly reduced to a blubbering mess with sentimental things?
Tell me. I can take it. I won’t cry. I promise….. *sniff*

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