Tuesday, 21 December 2010

Somebody Has to Say It

Go ahead. You know you want to. Say what you’re thinking…I do.
I’ll acquiesce; it’s not always the best thing to do. I just can’t seem to escape it. Mostly because I happen to be one of those people with a very expressive face; this makes it difficult for me to hide my reactions to things in my environment. I can’t tell you how many times, in an effort to be tactful, I’ve chosen to keep my mouth shut and was rewarded with, “What are you thinking?” by the person I’m interacting with. At this point you would be able to read, “Dang, I thought I was gonna get out of this one” written in big flashy lights on my forehead.
Sometimes, I can get away with saying nothing. I’ve learned that if I just “happen” to notice something across the room at exactly the right moment, while you’re telling me things I really don’t want to know…I can avoid these uncomfortable situations. It’s also good for people not to be aware that I’m envisioning sewing their mouth shut or jamming an ice pick into my eye.
Now for those other times; those times when I know what I’m about to say is going to irritate you and those times when I know and I just don’t care. There are some things that just should not be left unsaid. There are some things which do not require tact and diplomacy and you can bet your britches I’m gonna tell you just what I think. I think many of you have heard from me before, “I say what I mean and mean what I say even if it seems a little mean when I say it.”
I was gifted with that warning label upon my entrance into this world. Seriously, I came with a warning label. Ask my mother.
So, some things that fall into the category “Somebody Has To Say It”….drum roll please….
*Disclaimer* : The following scenarios may, or may not, have happened. *looks away at a passerby* Some are true, some are somewhat true and some are definitely maybe not totally false. However, they’re all good examples of things that I may or may not have already said but may or may not say in the future. *scratches head* Hmmm…I wonder if that’s ambiguous enough?
1.       Do not show me your new flip flops when you have crusty feet. A chipped pedicure I can forgive but I cannot forgive crusty-ness on feet. “Somebody” might offer to buy you a pumice stone, a ped-egg, or even some heel balm after seeing your sorry state. Put on some dang socks and throw the flip flops in the back of the closet until you get that mess taken care of.

2.       If you are my friend and you ask me how those jeans look, I *will* tell you if they happen to make your butt look big. I ain’t scared. I’m your friend. It is my duty to protect you from yourself and make sure you are looking your best when you go out in public.

3.       To certain women who work in a certain building, on a particular street, in a specific town... If you look in the mirror before leaving for work in the morning and think, “Dang, I might get picked up today” or, if you look like you’re about to head to the club…chances are your choice in work attire is not suitable for the office environment. You might find a job more fitting to your attire down on the corner of MLK.  Just sayin’.

4.       Don’t claim to be a Christian and then expect me to listen while you bash everyone who doesn’t live up to your standard and claim they’re going to hell. Defined, Christian means Christ-like. Last time I checked Jesus wasn’t a judgmental jerk. He was a nice guy who helped people face, and then turn away from, their sin by using love and understanding. If you really are Christ-like then I suggest you give that one a try. I’m picturing Jesus writing in the dirt before a woman about to be stoned to death by an angry mob for adultery.

5.       For those of you who feel the need to cuss every other word…really? I’m not one to judge about someone’s choice of words; I’ve been known to issue strings of expletives myself. However, I think you need to hear the truth no one else is telling you. While you’re sitting there proud of your amazing magnitude for using unsavory language, I’m (as are many others) sitting there thinking about how dumb you sound and not actually registering anything in regard to the subject you’re poorly attempting to discuss. The fact that those are the only descriptive words you can come up with only tells me your vocabulary is severely lacking.

I’m only giving you five today. Sorry, but I think any more than that would just look like a list of Erica’s Pet Peeves instead of Somebody Has To Say It.
*singing* Another one bites the dust….

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